It's been awhile so buckle up buttercup!
My mom always said if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything at all. Had I written over the last week I would have had absolutely nothing nice to say so I have been reading, listening to my music, picking up the house etc. No crafting I have not been in the mood. Although I wish I painted I would have drawn something dark and sinister looking;) That may have worked. Just random things to try to get my mind wrapped around other things.
But now I think I am ready......
If you are reading this I guess I decided not to delete it.........
May is not a good month in this family. 10 years ago (I really can't believe it's been that long!)on the 20th my mother died suddenly from a pulmonary embolism. We had gotten back from Hawaii 3 days prior. She was 45 years old. It was beyond shocking. Some days I still don't believe it:( Then 2 years ago on the 2nd my brother died. He was 30. He never got over my mother dying. So with a combination of depression (which he refused help), diabetes (which he refused insulin) and alcoholism (which had destroyed his liver) he basically killed himself. He went to bed one night and never woke up. Everyday I think to myself how this would have played out had my mom never died. What would have happened had we had Michael committed. To top all that off last year on the 2nd my grandmother had her final stroke. Probably because of the sadness over Michael. I was with her. I rode in the ambulance with her. I was with her when it went away for about 30 minutes and she was able to talk clearly again and I was there when it came back and I knew that was the point of no return. She finally let go on the 31st. It has almost been a year. Then you throw in my dad's birthday which was Wednesday and Mother's Day and my mom's birthday which is the 23rd it makes for a very depressing month!! Because all this has happened to us as a family and we are all believers in God we are all always looking for signs. That there really is a God. It seems silly but when my mother died I totally gave up on the notion of God for quite some time. I won't go into the details on how I wandered back but needless to say I did. It's not for everyone I know but if I didn't believe in something bigger than me beyond this life I would not get out of bed everyday. Period.
Then I have days like these and I think why am I still being tested???
I am the kind of person that stops for lost dogs and waits in traffic with these two little Westies for an hour trying to track down the owner so I can take them home. I worked in an animal shelter for 6 months when I was getting my degree. Trust me you don't want your pups going there! Anyway I got them home.
I am the kind of person that when I go thru the drive thru ATM and find someone has left their bank card in the machine I will drive to the front, park and take it in.
I am the kind of person who will stop in the market when a little old lady asks me if I can help her read the label on the oatmeal box because she wore the wrong glasses. Then I find her later trying to read the label on the package of whole wheat tortillas and decide I will just help her all thru the grocery store even though it is going to make me late meeting Frank for lunch.
I really try to be a good person. I really do.......
Then I have to deal with people like this Ebay lady. The one that says my purse is a fake. What a horrible woman!! I have done everything possible to remedy this situation whether my purse is a fake or not. She finally sends my purse back to me, after sending me the wrong one first!! and it is ruined. There is a huge ink mark on the front of it. Also she just threw it in a box with dirty paper towels and brown packaging paper all jumbled up. Not the original box and certainly not wrapped in yellow tissue like I sent it to her. All the while she is sending me emails about how my purse smells, it feels like plastic, she wouldn't be caught dead carrying it etc, etc. But her exact words on my feedback page for Ebay were "Immediate transaction, perfect in every way. Thanks for the stunning purse A+" Is this lady Bipolar or what?? Anyway the whole thing is in Nordstrom hands now. I went yesterday and they took pictures and they are doing all the research thank God!! I am so done with Ebay but all the other stuff I sold has gone well:) So I guess 1 out of 36 isn't bad. You should read her emails though boy she is nasty.
And then....
For my birthday we went to P.F. Changs at the Gardens here in town. Frank is driving, we've got the kids in the back. We are at the crosswalk and there is a lady and she hurries by and Frank starts to go and then stops because these 2 twenty somethings are going to cross but they don't and they move up the street away from the crosswalk so Frank starts to go again. They come into the street and Frank stops again. They then stand in the middle of the street and the girl is going thru her bags and pulling stuff out and she and her male friend are laughing and carrying on with no regard for us waiting there. So Frank then drives past them. A little too quickly I will admit. He was trying to make a point I guess although I don't know why because they obviously could care less. So they then come up behind my car and the GIRL starts screaming. To tell you the truth I really don't even know what she said because all I could hear was the "f" word over and over again. All Frank said was "maybe you could show a little consideration to others" and then she lost it!!!! Now Frank is very calm which probably made her more mad. He is also over 6 feet, athletically built and he looks mean as hell when he is not smiling which is probably why the guy was saying NOTHING!
So we keep moving into the restaurant and she is still screaming at us from their car. I turned around and said can you just let it go? She then proceeded to whip off her little berret and jump out of her car like she was going to assault me. I thought to myself bring it sister this mall has more cops then men's central in LA. That is just want I want on my birthday to be accosted by some little 20 year old brat. Who is trying so hard to look the part of thrift store grunge when I know for a fact that shirt she has on was $69 at Urban Outfitters and she probably paid Aveda $140 to dye and cut that hair. She's got the plugs in the ears, the tattoos. Trying to say society can't judge me or you little white rich people. When in fact I am not white and probably more Mexican than she is. NO CLASS! Anyway her petrified little chunk of butter male friend grabs her and then they start fighting and screaming at each other. NO CLASS!
Frank, Zach and Chris watch them for about 20 minutes. They leave but not before Zach got a picture of the car and the license plate number. Needless to say we found out the next day (it was dark when we left) the little jerks keyed the entire legnth of my driver's side. Nice huh?? We filed a police report even though nothing will ever come of it. Why does it always seem that bad human beings get away with whatever they want???? I also believe in Karma. What comes around goes around. It better:)
As an aside to all of this. Chris my 22 year old brother says, see that's exactly why I don't have a girlfriend!! They are all like that! Bitchy, moody and just plain hostile. He says or they are too emotional. Then he says probably because they don't have dads and their moms work all day and leave them alone! Pretty insightful on his part. Sometimes I think all he cares about are his 20 pairs of shoes;) I was taken aback. Then he says why are you looking at me like that. Nothing Chritopher, nothing at all:)
But once again I am letting it go.....
Here's why....
That lady that I returned her dogs home, she called me 2 days later when she got home from her little trip (her boyfriends 22 year old son was supposed to be watching the dogs, I see a pattern of our youth here) she had a gift for me. After telling her it wasn't necessary she came anyway with Max and Carla (the westies). After giving me a giant hug and going on for about 30 minutes about her boyfriends son she gave me a very nice Shower gel asssortment form Victoria's Secret. Very sweet. I needed the affirmation that there are nice people out there more than she could ever possibly know!
And then this........
The little old woman I was helping in the grcery store and I were standing in line. She must have said thank you 300 times!! It was okay I kept telling her. Sometimes I think people just need someone to talk to. The whole time she was talking about her son and her grandkids and how they may lose there home and so on. She probably could have went on all day. Kind of like me:) I am just going to start telling people start a blog!! It seems like I am talking to people:) When I may in fact be talking to myself LOL! Anyway she says to me you said you have kids I said yes I have 3. She says do you let them have candy? I give her that look like "do bears !@#$ in the woods". She laughed and said can you pick out 3 candy bars for them as a way of my saying thank you? I almost lost it. Whenver I took my grandma out shopping she always asked me if I wanted a candy bar when we were in the check out. Needless to say I said okay and we both went on our ways.
There are signs everywhere. I just have to have my eyes open. I tend to just want to close them sometimes and sleep forever.
For every 1000 people there is probably one jerk. That's pretty good until you have to deal with that one jerk. Maybe it's just me getting older that I am finding there are more and more jerks out there. But just when I seem to lose my faith in humanity it is miraculously restored. Just when I think forget this it's each man for himself, survival of the fittest I am overwhelmed with the compassion I feel for people. Whether they need help, need to talk, need a hug or just need someone to smile at them. I want to be that person. I don't want to be a jerk.
With that said that is why I am letting it all go.........
Stick with me I will have lighter things to come. Haven't I said that before:) I just had to get that off my chest.
Hugs,
Andrea